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Jan. 3rd, 2014

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My new kitty! His name is Professor Chapman. They called him Chapman at the pound and mom said it was a silly cat name and that it sounded like a professor's. He was at the pound for years (they are no kill) and no one wanted him. He's very shy but idk I felt some kind of connection. I know that with humans, interactions don't happen like in a fairy story, but I thought maybe, I could make a fairy tale with this cat. He's been hiding all week, but I'm hoping that he'll come around. I know hope is wrong and stupid but...I'm trying it one last time. I just have a feeling that this will end up good for both of us.
I don't want to update about my other cat, the sick one. I'll make myself upset.

(and yeah, I'm not dressed up in this pic. Not dressing up to get all cat-hairy)

One of my friends is arranging a date for me. She says the guy doesn't want a gf, so I guess he's just being nice, so I'm not as excited as if it was a guy who really liked me. But I think it could be good practice! The moral of this story, though, is that if something is wrong and it's something fixable by other people, don't stay quiet. Make some noise. I kept having people on FB tell me 'Oh just stop looking and then a guy will find you'. Uh-uh. I tried that crap for 22 years. Now I've tried and tried and nagged everyone I know and finally got a bite. Never trust Facebookers.

For the new year, I want to get my hair cut 'hime' style, but I'm so chicken! I know it'll look great and hair grows back but ugh. Chicken.

I want to make an anime post soon and talk about new fandoms and OTPs. For this season, I'm loving Double Circle because It's basically Gatchman Crowds in different packaging. I'm also trying Buddy Complex because I must love to suffer. Valvrave was so painful, why am I watching more Sunrise anime?

I'm really wanting to see 3.0 in theatres but the nearest is 1 1/2 away since we live in a blackhole and one showing is on my parents' aniversary. idk
Sorry I'm not really doing cards this year. Postage has gone up too much.

My cat was really sick last month. He got a little better, but he sleeps all the time now. He just isn't right. I'm sure he;s going to die soon. I have a hard time finding words to talk about love because it's not something that I feel very often, but I've never loved anyone the way I love this cat. I've lost other pets in the past, but never felt much. Feeling so much is so strange and scary.

I wish this wasn't happening at a time when I felt so lonely to begin with. I have to try hard to keep myself from crying because for the past year or so, whenever I cry, I cannot stop. It lasts for hours and hours. It makes me feel worse than the original problem.
Should I join Dream Width? Are the comms active?

Are there any places online I can advertise my fanfics besides Tumblr? It's killing me that I'm not more popular. I fail at everything I touch no matter how much practise I have but I was hoping that this endeavor would be different. But alas, optimism is the fool's poison. I've talked to my bff who has 100s of favs on her fics and she keeps telling me that I'm doing really good. I believe her because I think I'm good too. I just get horrible anxiety when I'm not getting attention. I just have an overwhelming need to be recognised. I'm not a total failure, at least. I do have some faves, but not enough to make me comfortable.

I think the reason my Dangan Ronpa stories are the most popular out of my stuff is because I can write very sincerely about two characters who hate themselves. I've heard 'write what you know' and that's really all I know.

I wrote an Evangelion story before but it was just practice and I didn't know what I was doing. Now that I have more of an idea of my strength, I should try to write something more from Shinji's pov. He's the only other character I can think of that really hates themself. Maybe it's not believable when I write other types of characters.

I just constantly feel like I'm being crushed these days. There's a pressure on my brain and body. I have a costant feeling of discomfort because my neither my looks, personality, nor creative skills are good enough for anyone.

I feel like a princess under a curse. When the princess looks in the mirror, she likes what she sees. Everything the princess creates looks like gold to her eyes. But because of the curse, the townsfolk can only see a monster who creates hideous broken things. Oh, where is the prince?

I'm still wishing for my very first date. I'm so disgusted with myself for being so unwanted. I don't even know how a date between two adults works. I wish I could have had practice as a teen. I think maybe it's impossible to start so old. And it's certainly impossible t get a date without aid of the internet, but I've developed horrible anxiety with one on one interactions online due to bad experiences. I wish there was a way to meet people irl. If only more cons had speed dating.
I'm thinking about coming back here. Tumblr is nice for pictures, but there's no interaction at all. It's very lonely.

As always, nothing has changed in my life outside fandom. I already mentioned my beginning to write fanfics when I was last on here. I have a few posted now and I'm pretty proud of them.

My Dangan Ronpa 2 stories are most popular. I write for a rare pairing so anyone who ships it has to come to me, I guess. I'm very excited that people like what I've written. I get so many kind comments. It's funny, because all I did was skim chapter 2 and Komaeda and Tsumiki's freetimes. I hardly know anything about SDR2. I just find those two be to be very easy to understand and identify with.

However, I personally like my Valvrave story best. It hasn't gotten much action so far, so I'm pretty disappointed. I wonder if I screwed something up on it. Maybe I go too heavy on L-elf's feelings for Lieselotte, but I honesty think that's how he sees her.. I really do love this story, though, if you'll let me me toot my own horn. Usually, it's very, very hard for me to get ideas and know where to go next. With this one, everything just keeps flowing. I guess I am writing for a somewhat rare pairing, though. There's lots of art for it on the Japanese side of things, but most US VVV fans aren't into it...

I want to write for Brave Story next, of all things. I rewatched it recently and fell in love again. I noticed that old fandoms that aren't blockbusters like Fruits Basket rarely get new fics. So odd. Don't people ever get back into something they used to like?

I don't know if you guys share my latest fandoms, but I'd be happy if you read my stories!

I'd post them to comms but Idk if comms are really a thing anymore...
Judging by the reception to my last post, I guess I'm pretty much done with lj. It was a ton of fun while it lasted.
Hi! I hope everyone's well.

I went to my first Anime Boston during my abscene from lj. It as very nice. I'd like to go again. I also went to Connecticon. I always have a great time a CTcon once I get in, but the line is just hell. It's not even that of a con, they just handle both the reg and pre-reg very poorly. Probably won't go again unless they have an amazing guest.

I'm actually writing because I made a Fanfiction account :) You probably don't remember, but months ago I was complaining about how I'd like to write fanfiction in order to take my mind off my problems, but I never had any ideas. My bff gave me a cute KawoShin prompt, so I ran with it. I actually only got two faves on my fic on FF, but it's burning up Tumblr. 24 notes, including my fave Kaworu blog. Senpai noticed me! lol


I was right- thinking about fanfiction definitely helps alleviate my negative thoughts! Now that I've done a fic and got a feel for it, I'm having an easier time coming up with ideas. I'm definitely going to start a Furuba Yuki/Tohru AU, where Yuki's a demon prince |D I also kind of want to do some Dangan Ronpa 2 Komaeda/Tsumiki stuff. ...I still have a habit of picking really odd otps, right? lol

This current anime season? I'm obsessed with Gatchaman Crowds! Who else is watching? Rui is my husband...? Wife???

He is like the 2nd most fabulous anime boy after Alois.

The OP is amazing

I don't know if any more of you have gotten Tumblr, but here's mine again, in case- http://evil-muffins.tumblr.com/

Some recent cosplaysCollapse )
I'm going to talk about more anime that I'm sure you won't watch :P j/k I'm sure you guys are just busy with real stuff.

I guess my favorite genre has shifted to be 'fujoshi pandering action shows' and I guess you guys aren't into that stuff so much D| Well, no real boys want me so I now have a harem of fictional boyfriends hahaha....ha... *sob*

I've decided that K is my #1 favorite anime now, closely followed by Tsuritama (I've pretty much scrapped my old list of favorites. Those shows are old and stale and it's time to move on). I'm also deeply in love with Psycho Pass and The Unlimited. I think Unlimited is a favorite for sure, but with Psycho Pass, I feel the same as I do with Eva- I only like it because I have a crush on one character lol

So many people are saying that they are losing interest in anime because there is so much crap coming out, but I'm just the opposite. I'm probably more engaged by anime than ever before. Sure there's crap, but the stuff that's good is really good. I used to watch anime like a zombie, not feeling anything and just doing it to waste time, but ever since I got into K, something just clicked and now I know how it is to really, truly enjoy something. Now I mostly try to stick to stuff that really grips me instead of 'eh, it's okay' stuff.

Anime talk with pictures!Collapse )
I still feel like such a failure when it comes to everything. I went to CPAC and Sunday. I had to bring home nearly everything I put on my table. I'm now stuck with 6 very large stuffed ponies. I probably spent more on supplies than I made. I hate that selling crafts on the internet is some sort of urban legend; I've never been able to do it. No one ever recognises my cosplay, no matter how accurate or how much effort I put in. I just feel like garbage.
Please don't tell me to 'just do things for yourself'. i'm sure I have some sort of personality disorder. I need praise or everything I do becomes worthless to me.

cpac picsCollapse )

I really don't think I'll sell at cpac again next year. It's not worth the effort for the amount I sell. I hurt my leg from setting up the table. I'm just not cut out for this. I'm just a screw up with everything in life.

Well, I'll be wearing Madotsuki again to Anime Boston. At least I make people happy when I wear that one. It's just a shame that a costume I bought from the thrift store gets more attention than the stuff I make. Anyway, I've been talking to a guy lately who wants to be my Masada for AB. He says we can take piano picture together. I hope it work outs. We actually have alot of cosplays from the same series. It's kind of a weird coincidence.
I just want to say that I'm so thankful for you guys. Even though I take breaks, lj really feels like a home to me. I'm glad that I can return to it any time. All of you are so comforting and welcoming. I feel as if we are real friends, even though I only talk to you on here. Thank you for making lj such a great place! There will never be another social network as pleasant and comforting as lj. I log off FB or Tumblr feeling so miserable, like I don't fit in, but you give me a place that I belong :)
I could not post here for five years, come back, and still have nothing important to tell you. Nothing will change.
I've been to some cons. Whatever. I don't know if I'll post pics or not.

I'm just coming on here because I want to talk about Psycho Pass. I don't think any of you watch it, though? What anime do you guys watch? That's a real question, not sarcasm lol

Speaking of anime, I've decided to give up on the real world and focus on nothing but anime. I only need 2D boys and fake adventures. It will be hard, though, since anime isn't cool anymore. Most 'anime' fans only like western crap now...

Oh, oh I made a Tumblr for white haired anime boys http://fyeahwhitehairbishonen.tumblr.com/ White haired boys tend to have delightful personalities <3

Psycho Pass spoilersCollapse )

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