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Should I join Dream Width? Are the comms active?

Are there any places online I can advertise my fanfics besides Tumblr? It's killing me that I'm not more popular. I fail at everything I touch no matter how much practise I have but I was hoping that this endeavor would be different. But alas, optimism is the fool's poison. I've talked to my bff who has 100s of favs on her fics and she keeps telling me that I'm doing really good. I believe her because I think I'm good too. I just get horrible anxiety when I'm not getting attention. I just have an overwhelming need to be recognised. I'm not a total failure, at least. I do have some faves, but not enough to make me comfortable.

I think the reason my Dangan Ronpa stories are the most popular out of my stuff is because I can write very sincerely about two characters who hate themselves. I've heard 'write what you know' and that's really all I know.

I wrote an Evangelion story before but it was just practice and I didn't know what I was doing. Now that I have more of an idea of my strength, I should try to write something more from Shinji's pov. He's the only other character I can think of that really hates themself. Maybe it's not believable when I write other types of characters.

I just constantly feel like I'm being crushed these days. There's a pressure on my brain and body. I have a costant feeling of discomfort because my neither my looks, personality, nor creative skills are good enough for anyone.

I feel like a princess under a curse. When the princess looks in the mirror, she likes what she sees. Everything the princess creates looks like gold to her eyes. But because of the curse, the townsfolk can only see a monster who creates hideous broken things. Oh, where is the prince?

I'm still wishing for my very first date. I'm so disgusted with myself for being so unwanted. I don't even know how a date between two adults works. I wish I could have had practice as a teen. I think maybe it's impossible to start so old. And it's certainly impossible t get a date without aid of the internet, but I've developed horrible anxiety with one on one interactions online due to bad experiences. I wish there was a way to meet people irl. If only more cons had speed dating.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Dec. 29th, 2013 02:59 am (UTC)
there are pockets of activity on dreamwith :) it's really easy to set up dw to mirror and cross post your lj.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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